A Discussion Of Mortuary Customs Around The World Or, The Pomegranate Of Vice

Umber Ranjana Pandey1

“DOB: 31/12/1983. I write in Hindi, Urdu, Gujarati and English. I write poetry, fiction and plays.” – Umber

um2

(I casi son tanti)

Idrís is a name for enoch in Persian in A Dictionary of Persian and English in The Roman Character by the late Ramdhun Sen, second edition printed at The Baptist Mission Press, Circular Road Calcutta, 1841 but in Bow Bazar of Calcutta, Idrís bai ran a bordello in a maisonette attached to parrots, fowls for cooking and other warblers’ shop. Idrís bai liked better to call her whorehouse a cabinet of curiosities or vaseful of deflowered buds. Sometimes she called it menagerie of beasts of beauty or bêtes noire of wives’ breasts. She liked better to come up with a new bon mot every time she badinaged with the frequenters of her cabinet of curiosities or vaseful of deflowered buds. The craftswomen started toiling at their parlour after twelve o’clock in noon and moiled till early dawn. It, as my eminent readers know, used more elbow grease than any other kind of drudgery.

Ghurfah is a Persian word for an upper apartment and Gharqáb for deep water in A Dictionary of Persian and English in The Roman Character by the late Ramdhun Sen, first edition printed at The Baptist Mission Press, Circular Road Calcutta, 1839 but in Idrís bai’s pack of bêtes noire, Ghurfah and Gharqáb were the names for Siamese twins. They were conjoined at waist but the axons and dendrites of breasts of both the twins were fastened to Ghurfah whereas the axons and dendrites below the ribs were fastened to Gharqáb. When the guest manipulated their breasts, Ghurfah cried with joy and while tupping Gharqáb howled with jouissance. Ghurfah and Gharqáb were the costliest among all the deflowered buds. A footman, who was old and a leper and who’s name was Cujjamali, had spread a rumour that Ghurfah and Gharqáb could be dying anytime soon and nabobs, rajahs, seths and their sons and sons-in-law rushed in flock to copulate with them.

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